Click-to-Order Happiness?

Instant gratification, life-at-your-doorstep culture, and youths

I wonder how the youth of today sees the world where everything comes to us by the click of a finger. We Uber instead of fetching taxis, we Doordash instead of cooking, we Netflix instead of going to cinemas. Amazon can deliver anything overnight, and we don’t even have to practice faith - psychedelic drugs allegedly provide an experience close to meeting God, as per advertisement. We can pretty much have our life delivered to our doorstep, even divinity.

My 18-year old niece recently made me realize that it can’t be easy for GenZ to figure out what they want in life in a world of instant gratification. The aspiring-model said to me: 

“I want to quit this modeling school because it doesn’t fit into what I believe.” 

“What is your belief?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but it’s just not my belief,” she replied. 

I’m no stranger to feeling confused about life, especially at that age, but her inability to articulate her frustration caught my attention. 

“Follow your passion”. “Do what you feel is right for you.” “Just be positive.” I often hear parents telling their children. But how are kids supposed to do that? The validation stamp for their existence comes from the amount of ‘likes' they get on TikTok and Instagram - not exactly conducive to figuring out their passion or their identity. Technology is becoming increasingly addictive, making ‘vlogger’ and ‘YouTube star’ the #1 dream future for children ages 8-12 according to this poll. At the same time, they think they have inherited an apocalyptic planet from the previous generations and that saving the world now falls on their shoulders. And it’s hard to imagine that the media’s endorsement to protest to impress or TikTok dance their way through world problems could inspire a positive outlook on life. 

Feeling somewhat surprised by my niece's desire to become a model, I replied to her: “Well, you can’t make the world fit to your liking. We all have to function within parameters. Think about what frustrates you first, and go from there to either adapt or leverage on the problem.” As I was about to continue, an adult sitting next to me intervened: “don’t be so serious Jisoo, we are just light chatting.” 

So I held myself back. As we have mastered the ability to placate people with instantaneous entertainment and life-at-your-doorstep culture, having a conversation outside one’s comfort zone has become socially incorrect. 

I’m not exactly criticizing the adult who intervened. Anyone with access to portable technology and the internet would likely be inclined to share that thinking. Tech companies have become ever more skilled at grabbing and holding eyeballs. And pop culture conditions us to forget about our worries with “it’s ok not to be ok,” “don’t push yourself too hard,” “YOLO”, “FOMO” types of #catchphrases that amplify our affinity to choose whatever pumps more dopamine in our brains. 

But this changes social relationships and society. Comforting people is now required at all times, on any topic, perhaps because we have become accustomed to summoning life to our doorstep and getting the dopamine flow. (How many times do I see toddlers sucked into phone screens in restaurants?)  And intruding on one's mental complacence has almost become a sin nowadays, as safe spaces have extended beyond college campuses into corporate settings and the human rights sphere. Political correctness has become a holy moral virtue. And those who violate this non-legal, yet stringently enforced social regulation are often punished, even socially ostracized. 

Jonathan Haidt, a well-known social psychologist and a professor at NYU Stern School of Business, explains that our hedonic habit doesn’t come without consequences, especially for the younger generations. And he particularly points to social media as a direct source of increasing anxiety and depression in teens. He details that in the United States, the adolescent depression rates have increased sharply beginning in 2011, when Facebook introduced the ‘like’ button. The rate is higher for girls (roughly from 13% in 2011 to 25% in 2020) than boys (roughly from 5% in 2011 to 9.5% in 2020). And from 2010 to 2014, rates of hospital admission for self-harm doubled for girls ages 10 to 14.

Haidt also remarks that this phenomenon is not exclusive to America. A similar increase occurred at the same time for girls in Canada for mood disorders and for self-harm. As well for girls in the U.K. who experienced very large increases in anxiety, depression, and self-harm.

In the case of South Korea, my native country, the number of people in their 20s experiencing depression has nearly doubled from 2014 to 2018. And for teens, the rate jumped by 78 percent. 

I also saw a negative change in the larger job sector first-hand. One of the hardest things about running a business in Korea nowadays is finding people to work with. I interviewed quite a few young adults to fill entry level positions in my previous organization, most of whom were recent graduates in their early 20s. Many just don’t show up to interviews. No excuses offered, no notice given. A no-show. And of those hired, a few quit at the first sign of difficulty. 

Perhaps because even politics is increasingly about delivering packaged joy. In Korea, like in many other parts of the globe, the ever-expanding government welfare programs guarantee enough basic sustenance to support life even without working. Part of the reason why young people quit their jobs so easily. They get enough cash compensation from the government to live on if they are not employed.¹ Should society help those in need? I certainly believe so. But what is the limit in an age of abundance?

I’m not claiming that positive emotions are bad. We all need to feel pleasure. But humans process pleasure in the same brain region as pain. And as this article explains, the inability to manage the pursuit of pleasure often causes neuropsychiatric disorders like addiction and depression as - put in simplified terms - the pleasure/pain balance tilts heavily to one side. 

We are not made to live in Disneyland. We are made for challenges, adversity and exploration. And the greatest stories ever told are those of adventure, hardships and purpose. 

Adam and Eve could have lived an immortal life in the Garden of Paradise without ever toiling for a day in their lives. But they ate the forbidden fruit. Odysseus, in Homer’s majestic epic, could have lived a peaceful life ruling his native land. But he left on an expedition to Troy that led him to 20 years of vagabonding, captivity and battles. History of human civilization is made up of those who explored, conquered and succumbed. New continents were discovered by those who risked their lives on the sea. Even space isn’t out of reach to human hands. But could anyone accustomed to instant gratification and over-dopaminized brains have done any of that? Is a young adulthood addicted to emotional safety the right preparation for the adventure that is life?

For thousands of years, human cultures have warned that the pursuit of pleasure as an end in itself is a delusion far more dangerous than merely wasted time. Even the classics of popular culture remind us that pleasure for its own sake flourishes in evil environments. In Disney’s movie Pinocchio, the hedonic gratification of the Pleasure Island is revealed to be a lie. Beneath the overlay of abundant pleasure rules a villain, one who eventually turns children into voiceless braying slaves. 

Believing that human beings could live a fulfilling life in perpetual hedonism and emotional-safetism is perhaps as utopian as Marx believed he could create a perfect world by rearranging the means of production. But our culture insists that positive emotions guide the socio-moral structure of society. Uncomfortable conversations are discouraged and entrusting positive feelings is favored. But pleasure flees. Especially in the face of pain and malevolence. What comes then? 

So I ask this question. Can we really create a heaven on earth through a cradle-to-grave government, round-the-clock entertainment, and hedonic moral foundation?

I should have continued the conversation with my niece to find out more about her frustration, regardless of the external pressure. It may not have amounted to anything but it also might have helped her figure things out for herself. But I will never know what could have happened. I let go of a rare occasion to speak with my niece in exchange for a conversation that I now don’t recall. 

1.  From statista.com : In April 2022, while the average unemployment rate stood at 3%, it was also significantly higher among those in their 20s at about 7.4%. The number of unemployed youths increases even further when young people not covered by the unemployment rate are added, such as those who wanted employment but have not sought work or people in time-related underemployment. In 2021, the composite rate of labor underutilization of people aged 15 to 29 years old in South Korea was about 23.1%, showing an increase compared to the previous year. The composite rate of labor underutilization of the youth in South Korea has generally shown an upward trend in the last years. This trend is alarming, especially since the pandemic restrictions have nearly ended.